Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Kicking Obama Where It Hurts

If we are a Nation that still sticks up for the underdog, Barack Obama may well be the next President of the United States

If our sense of Fair Play can overcome our innate, inbred, bubbling-below-the-surface fear of black people, Senator Obama is the next President of the United States.

If we, as a nation, have come to realize that much of the Media no longer cares about what is right or wrong, what is responsible or irresponsible, but just what is profitable, and we ignore that Media, Obama is a shoo-in.

If we realize that Ralph Nader and Reverend Wright were once good and honest men who worked for the well-being of their people and the country, but have since been seduced by the Dark Side’s Bitch Goddess of Megalomania and must be ignored, Obama can start writing his inaugural address now.

If voters understand that there is something intrinsically wrong with ignoring or joining in with a gang-like pummeling of a single, honorable person by his Republican opponent, his Democratic opponent, his Pastor, Fox News, and most of the rest of the Media is so very, very wrong, the Senator can reserve a lane at the White House bowling alley now.

If American citizens realize this Nation cannot go on like this, cannot continue electing its officials as a result of manipulation by Spin Machines and Professional propagandists, Barack Obama can get fitted for his
Top Hat and Tails.

The optimist in me feels this could happen. The cynic, the pessimist, the pragmatist and the historian within me don’t hold out much hope.

A Black man hasn’t had a beatdown like this since Rodney King stopped driving. And racist cops got nothing on Fox News or a once honorable Dragon Lady who now won’t allow the Will of the People to stand up to her Ego.

An argument can even be made that Ms. Clinton has known whereof she speaks. The Senator form new York may know that Bar
ack is unelectable because of her unconscionable behavior designed to make him unelectable. This is not a stupid woman. She undestand the concept of Self-fulfilling prophecies.

Ms. Clinton, with whose policies I’ve largely
been in accord, has nonetheless proven that there are few if any depths to which she will not sink in this campaign. She may not have reinvented Rovian strategery, but she’s emulated it. Senator Clinton may well stop Senator Obama from becoming the Next President of the United States and earn her Pyrrhic victory and .

Why Pyrrhic? Ms. Clinton has been so dishonest and so disingenuous that I truly wish her the worst fate I can imagine—stealing the nomination from Senator Obama. This would essentially end her political Presidential aspirations. Getting the nomination now is a task achievable only by driving away so many Democratic voters she cannot win the general election. Well, unless John McCain makes The Great Pumpkin his running mate.

As for The Reverend Jeremiah Wright. It has not been a good time for Men of the Cloth, and he isn't helping. No matter his intention--whether a delusional belief that he is doing African-Americans good by his actions, or intentionally not turning the other cheek to smite his former Parishener--the effect is singular. His is the behavior of a a man thoroughly in the grip of Megalomania. He isn't even a tragic figure--just a sadly comic one. His legacy, whether he helps Hillary haul down Obama or not--will be pathetic, a series of YouTube videos, ranging from an angry madman to a Post-Modernist Stepin Fetchit.

One can't be sure what he was going for. But what he has become is a punch line.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

The Genius of Sandalous Overkill

The New York Times has a big ol’ story about how the Pentagon has been using retired military men to carry its hogwash out to the Media. The Pentagon—courtesy of Uncle Sam—trots the retirees off to Iraq, to Guantanamo, to insider briefings, and then the Generals and Admirals trot themselves over to Fox and elsewhere to share their “expertise.”

The 7500 word article gives lots of specifics, views with alarm, lists examples of media deceptions, and carries denials from military men who are shocked, shocked I say, that they are accused of such shenanigans.

This is hardly the first or only Bush scandal. Keith Olbermann runs a segment every night called “Bushed,” whereby he comments and updates three out of the current 50 (he claims) scandals gurgling up that night in the Bush administration. The list changes daily and as anyone scoring at home knows, fifty scandals is likely a serious misunderestimation of the damage Dubya has done to the country.

The Propagandized Generals Scandal has now joined the crowd of other darkening the political landscape and will in turn be superceded by the next scandal or outrage.

If there is a genius to the Bush Presidency, it is that it has mastered the art of Scandalous Overkill. Clinton and Nixon were pikers compared to this bunch. In Watergate, Nixon had a single overall scandal—which was admittedly a doozy and it got him booted out of office. Clinton had Monicagate, and it got him impeached.

Bush has more scandals than he could begin to count, even using all his digits and with his shoes and socks off. But he doesn’t get impeached, he gets a second term, a library full of Bushisms, and a Christmas fruit basket from every political satirist alive today.

Why is that? Thank you for asking. I have a theory.

The NYT article was sent to me by email and included links to the paper’s top five forwarded stories. These are the stories that have so fascinated and involved readers that they were stirred to action.

When I opened the email this morning, the Pentagon General Scandal story was number four on the list. Number four? How could that be?

Had a new scandal already erupted to supercede it? Nope.

Had the Pennsylvania Primary blanketed the list with three more vital stories? No.

Was the Surge upstaged by an upsurge in non-surge violence? Uh-uh

Okay, I give up, what was the #1 story?

The Pope likes kitties--a story about his Holiness and his affection for felines. Had the Pope announced he’d boo-booed on stem cell research and it was now okay, I’d understand. If the Pontiff said he was trading his pointy Mitre for a Sam Jackson Kangol, I’d dig it. But kitties?

Which leads to my reluctant conclusion:

The key to political survival today is to so overwhelm the Media and the Electorate with bad behavior, they tune it out. It worked for Bush, and as Hillary continues to do Republican Swiftboaters' dirty work and is rewarded for it, it shows she and Bill have learned an important lesson. Times change. A back-office Hummer just won’t git ‘er done anymore.

The Pope’s Kitties can’t save us from ourselves. The slippery slope of Decline and Fall has been regreased.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Hopalong Hillary: Packin' the Heat

The revelation that Hillary Rodham Clinton learned to hunt at the knee of her Granddaddy is not only one of her many warm and treasured memories of deadly weaponry, but overly modest by half. As many know, Senator Clinton reluctantly admitted to her early firearms training after her Democratic opponent, Barack Obama’s snarky comments about guns and the fine people who own and shoot them.

While Ms. Clinton recounted how much she delighted in turning bunnies and ducks and all God’s creatures great and small into pulverized blobs of blood, fur, and feathers, the Presidential nominee humbly neglected to acknowledge her many other contributions to the art and science of gunplay.

For instance, as a child of three, young Hillary drew up plans for what would later become the modern day Gattling gun, the machine gun used in most current US attack aircraft.

“Make the spinning barrels go round n’ round” she told then Air Force Chief of Staff Curtis LeMay, inspiring the general to adapt the weapon, first used in the Civil War, to modern day aviation. Today the seven barrel 30mm GAU-8/A Gatling gun can fire 3,900 rounds a minute and is effectively used in A-10 Warthog tank killers.

There are more NRA Hall of Fame achievements Ms. Clinton has modestly advoided admitting to until recently. For instance, Clinton still holds the Pennsylvania state record for largest bear ever bagged, a 7 foot 3 inch, 1162-pound Grizzly she brought down at age six with a single shot from her Lady Derringer. And while the animal was not shot during hunting season, the record is still considered official as Ms. Clinton plinked the varmit as it menaced a schoolyard filled with tasty third graders.

At age 20, between semesters at Wellesley College, Ms. Clinton appeared on Broadway in the title role in “Annie Get Your Gun,” winning a Tony for her performance.

At age 23, while on tour with the late singer Johnny Cash, she shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. Charges were later dropped.

When her husband, Bill, failed to join the military during the Vietnam era, Ms. Clinton helped him compensate by teaching him the military ditty, “This is my rifle, this is my gun, this is for shooting, this is for fun.” (A decision she admits regretting with all her heart and soul.)

Few of these accomplishments were known publicly until Senator Obama--who has repeatedly stated that cancelling the Second Amendment is his first priority upon assuming office--made his recent gun gaffe.

In one instance, National Security prevented Ms. Clinton from not lying. She said she “had to bite my lip” during the recent confusion over her “arrival under fire” in Bosnia. Both her and former President Clinton’s “explanations” were created from whole cloth because the truth was "highly classified" until now.

The night before her “official” arrival, Ms. Clinton infiltrated the area with an Army Sniper team, and spent the ensuing 24 hours clearing the area of enemy sharpshooters. Ms. Clinton single-handedly bagged 37 enemy gunmen and gunwomen, using only 36 rounds. Highlight of the operation, Miss Clinton stated in the afteraction report, was nailing a husband and wife sniper team with a single bullet. This was the very team tasked with killing the adorable child scheduled to give Hillary the flowers.

Also, Hillary invented dum-dum bullets.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

The Genius of George Bush, Economist

Wonder why the economy is in the state it is? Take a stroll down memory lane and read some of the statements The Decider in Chief has made about things financial and economic since taking office.

(All statements were actually made by George W. Bush, America’s most consistently self satirizing president. The comments in bold are from Pesky)

The clear thought processes of George W. Bush…

"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."--Reuters, May 5, 2000

He is what he am…

"I understand small business growth. I was one."—New York Daily News, Feb. 19, 2000

Is that a cheesehead you’re wearing, or…

"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."—Greater Nashua, N.H., Chamber of Commerce, Jan. 27, 2000

A few kind words about the poor…

"First, let me make it very clear, poor people aren't necessarily killers. Just because you happen to be not rich doesn't mean you're willing to kill."-Washington, D.C., May 19, 2003

WMD at the OMB…

"The law I sign today directs new funds and new focus to the task of collecting vital intelligence on terrorist threats and on weapons of mass production."-Washington, D.C., Nov. 27, 2002

Just give me 4000 years…

"And so, in my State of the-my State of the Union-or state-my speech to the nation, whatever you want to call it, speech to the nation-I asked Americans to give 4,000 years-4,000 hours over the next-the rest of your life-of service to America. That's what I asked-4,000 hours." -Bridgeport, Conn., April 9, 2002

The New Math will save us…

"We've tripled the amount of money-I believe it's from $50 million up to $195 million available."-Lima, Peru, March 23, 2002

It’s Foreigner’s fault, especially that Lou Gramm guy…

"It is clear our nation is reliant upon big foreign oil. More and more of our imports come from overseas."—Beaverton, Ore., Sep. 25, 2000

My antidotal evidence proves I’m right

"A tax cut is really one of the anecdotes to coming out of an economic illness."—Sept. 18, 2000

You are what you grasp…

"I recently met with the finance minister of the Palestinian Authority, was very impressed by his grasp of finances."-Washington, D.C., May 29, 2003

Our overreaching underachiever…

"If you don't have any ambitions, the minimum-wage job isn't going to get you to where you want to get, for example. In other words, what is your ambitions? And oh, by the way, if that is your ambition, here's what it's going to take to achieve it."-Speech to students in Little Rock, Ark., Aug. 29, 2002

He’s our President, we’re paying for it…

"It's your money. You paid for it."—LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000