Where we Went: Kennebunkport, ME.
Why we went there: Because we so admire George H.W. Bush, who Summers there.
Real reason we went there: Relatives, lobstuhs, and the ceaseless need to observe Yuppies in their natural habitat.
Our Habitat: Rented home near water—too near water at times.
Uninvited Guest: Hurricane Irene
Method of Transport to Site: Aircraft, Car, Gossamer Wings.
Favorite Meal on Plane: Animal Crackers.
Favorite Marx Brothers Movie: Ditto.
Least Popular Sound on Plane: Unhappy infant wailing I pagliacci vesti la giubba as performed by a herniated Luciano Pavarotti with tacks in his eyes and while being water-boarded.
Question Angrilly Asked of me in the terminal: “Was that your baby?”
What I said: “No.”
What I wish I’d said: “Yes, that’s why we left him on the plane.”
What I felt: Sorry for the kid, sorrier for the parents.
Aviation note: Virgin America charges $25 a bag for checked luggage.
Advice: Wear all your clothing when you fly Virgin America.
Was the Weather Good? Ayup. Except for the Hurricane.
Lobstuhs & Hurricanes: Shortly after Irene blew by, a Lobstuhman friend of my wife’s cousin, Tracey, hauled in 798 pounds of Lobstuh in a single day, a personal best.
Footnote: He had pulled up half his traps before the storm and set the others deep.
Anecdotal Conclusion: Hurricanes are good for Lobstuh fishing.
Good News about Lobstuhman: Generous soul. Gave said cousin free Lobstuhs.
Good News about Cousin: She shares.
Karmic Payback: Later, we took Tracey to the airport for her flight home--leaving the same time as ours. Well into the drive, she realized she’d forgotten her wallet.
Something You May Not Know about Me: I never get mad at someone who regifts Lobstuhs to me.
Long Story Too Long Already: We retrieved the wallet and made both flights with mere hours to spare.
Who I saw in Maine I hadn’t seen in years: Legendary Boston Golden Throat, raconteur, and erstwhile Junket Best Buddy, Dana Hersey.
Where: At a saloon in Portland.
Why Portland? Dana has a pied a terre on an island in nearby Casco Bay.
How he looked: Tanned, rested and not the least bit dissipated.
How I looked: None of the above.
What I watched waiting for Dana’s ferry to arrive: A Dude with a silver-wrapped box on his head playing guitar while a woman played a musical saw.
You’re making that up, right? I’m not. Never accuse me of deception until you know if I have video evidence.
Video Evidence: It’s for moments like these I always carry my Flip Camera.
Who we did not see in New England: A good high school friend and wife, who Summer in New Hampshire.
Why not: Rain, wind, floods, destruction, locusts, fire ants, rabid Sea Lions.
You’re making that up, right? Yes. Video too hard to fake.
Side Note: My friend, a successful and award-winning vintner, had to leave for his vintner place to harvest his Topo Gigio grapes. Excuse me, his Pinot Grigio grapes.
What You May Conclude: All I know about wine is this--The quality of the box a wine comes in does not relate directly to the quality of the wine contained therein.
Guests who visited and stayed with us: My Cousin and her boyfriend, plus one of my wife’s best friends and her husband.
And: They arrived bearing wine and food.
Furthermore: Neither was served from a box.
Further Furthermore: My cousin bought me a belated birthday present, a “Wayfarer Inn: Cape Porpoise” ball cap. I now wear it on the Left Coast to make Republicans jealous.
MVP: Salaan, Hostess/relative. Salaan is a Dotty Cousin, in her seventies, and had open-heart bypass surgery two months prior to family gathering. She drove up from Virginia, cooked, washed, shopped and cleaned everything in sight.
Runner-Up: Barbara, her 82-year-old sister, and a tweeting maniac.
Second Runner-up: William, One-plus year old toddler who is learning to walk and likes Peek-a-boo.
Third Runner-up: William’s exhausted Mom & Dad, Tricia & Fabrice.
Biggest effect of Hurricane Irene on us: 24-hours without power.
Unexpected Feeling: I felt sorry for President Obama.
Why? Powerlessness sucks.
My Ailment on Trip: What I thought was a pimple on my back was actually a festering, puss-filled, grotesque, infected thingy needing medical attention.
How I found out: It burst and left a dark stain on my old KCAL News T-shirt.
Status of shirt: I still wear it. If people ask, I tell them stain is where the knife went in.
Status of You: Went to great Urgent Care place. Got urgent pills. Took pills urgently. Wife and cousin cleaned and dressed wound. Grimaced for sympathy.
Prognosis: I’ll be ready for the playoffs.
What did I learn? Pimples sometimes aren’t.
Upside of Vacation: Saw remnants of Hurricane. Had Lobstuh. Avoided 105 heat in Calabasas. Chatted up relatives. Ate good food. Drank good wine. Met good people.
Downside of Vacation: Not creative for two weeks. Gained too much weight. Car battery died while gone. Missed seeing some people I wanted to see. Too many tourists.
Miscellaneous Knowledge Gained: The Red Sox won’t be in the World Series. Weathercasters in New England know their stuff. If your Barista is talking to her boyfriend, come back later, or accept that your latte will be all but undrinkable. Maine brewed Frye’s Leap IPA is superb. Maine has bugs, including No-see-ums and EEE-carrying mosquitoes. You can get tired of Vanilla ice cream w/blueberries. And Lobstuhs. Add meat to vegetarian lasagna, and it is delicious. Tofu should be re-categorized as Industrial Waste. In a pinch, a decent Cab works as a breakfast wine. Bring mud shoes to Maine. On, the last full day we were there, the weather was glorious. We will return. Why? Let's go to the video...