I got a call from my Uncle Morty yesterday. (Morty wants you to know that's NOT his real name, and that he's imaginary.)
“Have any of you Media geniuses realized the real reason why his opening act shouldn't have played the Hussein Name Game at the McCain rally?”
“You talking about Mr. Red Meat, the radio assclown who kept trying to associate Barrack Obama with a certain deceased dictator?” I asked.
“Yeah. Why should McCain have stopped the guy before he did that to an honorable opponent?”
“Because it was a dirty, underhanded, sleazy political trick,” I said.
“No, I'm serious,” Morty said.
“I give up, why?”
“Because of the radio guy's name,” Morty said.
“I don't get it.”
“See, McCain is a Capitol Hill politician and a war-hero former Navy pilot with a whiff of political scandal in his past. He's famous for spending time in involuntary confinement. And the guy who introduced him is named Cunningham,” Morty said.
“So, connect the dots. 'Capitol Hill. War-hero. Former Navy pilot. Political corruption. Incarceration. Cunningham.' Name associate and you get another war-hero former Navy pilot, known for political corruption and he's famous for spending time in involuntary confinement. HIS name is Cunningham, too. Duke Cunningham.”
“But Duke Cunningham's sins have nothing to do with John McCain.”
“And Saddam Hussein's sins have nothing to do with Barrack Obama.”
“Good point. Anything else?”
“Yeah. Why does Hillary think the Media wants Obama to defeat her?” Morty continued. “Doesn't she know they know she's a package deal with Bill? And doesn't she know they remember her husband and how covering him put a lot of Media kids through college?
"And what about the funny guys? Why on God's Earth would Dave, Jon, Keith, Conan, or Jay want a President Obama? A smart, scandal-free, anti-war President who speaks English is the last thing they need. Bill Clinton's chilliwacker and George Bush's tongue have been comedy gold for years. Obama would be comedy dross.”
Uncle Morty was dropped on his head once as a child, and several times again as an adult.
“A final question,” Morty continued. “Twenty debates and the last one got the highest rating ever. So will they renew the series?”
They'd love to. Morty makes a good point. If the all-news networks could, they'd want them to run indefinitely. Tim Russert and Wolf Blitzer have become the political Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul and “American Idol” has become the template for the candidate's debates. Seriously, laugh about it, shout about it--when you've got to choose, every way you look at this you lose.
“You're darn tootin', Mrs. Robinson,” Morty said and hung up.
I gotta put him on my Do Not Call list.