Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Top Ten Crises Still Bugging Me as 2013 Begins

10. Baffled why there hasn’t been a Constitutional amendment outlawing either the word “flammable” or “inflammable.”

9. Stupefied how the Media can report the pregnancy of Kim Khardashian without including the phrases “affront to civilization,” “anti-Christ” or “no-talent publicity whore.”

7. Worrying will the new tenant in the spare bedroom, Fiscal Cliff, ever pay his rent on time.

6. Curious how long my profound sense of relief will last that no one is asking: “What will Romney do when he takes office?” .

7. Realizing that I never have known how to pronounce and probably never will never know how to pronounce the words “Synclavier”, “onegin” and “yclept”

5: Concerned my Thanksgiving day cold of 2012 will never go away.

4. Continue asking myself why I post carefully crafted, exhaustively shot, precisely edited works of video art on YouTube and get 26 hits if I’m lucky, when I could entice a kitty with a ball of yarn and go viral overnight.

3 Puzzled why people who believe intelligent life forms occupy UFOs actually haven’t figured out why they haven’t contacted “intelligent” life on earth.   

2. Wracking my brain why anyone believes in or otherwise gives a rat‘s ass about Zombies.

1. Rethinking my decision to turn down the gig as the new Chief Administrative Officer for the Large Hadron Collider, and wondering if women really care if their boyfriend has a small Hadron.

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