Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Helpless in the New Oz?



One of the threads on Linked In is fuhkoktuh. My buddy Lin said  the issue just only on that thread. He said he thought I would blame him for the problem. I told him my paranoia is much wider and in fact i blamed veteran character actor J.K. Simmons for it. So...I thought maybe I should start and begin to ruin a new thread. 

So this piece is about computer technology and old farts like me and fellow old-farts-well-met like Chris and Linton and Tim.

Chris said he hated new technology when he doesn’t understand it. Agreed.

Here’s my theory. The fault dear Brutus is not in ourselves, but in the idiots who write instructions about installing and working with new technology

I actually installed a router once. I could do it BECAUSE THE INSTRUCTIONS WERE BRILLIANT.

It took only one clarification phone call, picked up on the first ring. The guy’s name at the other end was not "Trey" and he did not have an accent that made it seem like everything would be allright, when in fact it never was. This guy answered my question clearly. I was not told to go to some Freakin’ FAQ thread were idiots like me who are confused come up with wrong answers for other idiots like me.

All us old farts require is logical, linear, sensible directions. And maybe a nice glass tea.

The instruction that got me most was when I needed a new keyboard. I bought a new one and rented a laser cutter to burn through the Plexiglas -strength plastic wrap it came in.

Instructions said to insert the installation CD that came with my keyboard, and detach my old keyboard and mouse. I did that. Then of course I could not go on to the next instruction on the CD because I HAD NO FREAKING KEYBOARD OR MOUSE!!

THE YOUNG PUNKS UNDERSTAND WHAT TO DO IN THAT SITUATION.

FORTUNATELY I DID TOO. I BRIBED ONE OF MY GROWNUP SONS TO COME OVER AND INSTALL IT.

And why the HELL is the tally light so goddam tiny and out of my sight line so I don't know I've locked my caps which I do often because I'm a shitty typist?

Now I want to do an audio book. record it myself. I dread figuring out how to do it and get it distributed. Halp!

Now, iof uyou’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go listen by golden oldie by that dead astronaut, Neil Young: “Helpless, HelplesS, HELPLESS.